The great USA has, unfortunately, some obscene French and German influences, which should be immediately removed from the country. I ask everyone in the USA to mail their congresspeople requesting the removal of these influences. A sample letter:
"The honorable Senator X:
Please help rid the USA of stinking French and German influences in our fine country. Specifically, I request the following actions.
1. Burn the Declaration of Independance. This was strongly influenced by those damned French enlightenment liberal thinkers.
2. Burn the US Constitution. It was also strongly influenced by the those liberal Frogs!
3. Ship the Statute of Liberty back to France. We don't need their stinking "gifts". Besides, we never did like that stupid poem about the poor masses - we want their rich rulers coming here!
4. Eliminate the dreaded Germanic disease of Social Security. Bismarck introduced that abomination to the world, and we should reject it entirely! Hell, if they're not rich when they're old, then they didn't try hard enough, and we shouldn't be taxed to support lazy bastards like them.
Now, I know this means giving up our current government style. But that's good, because its a damned liberal style!! Abandoning the Declaration may imply going back to British rule, but we don't want that, cause they're too liberal now. Instead, with a bit of persuasion, I think we could convince George W. Bush to do the right thing, and accept the title of Emperor of the USA. That's better than a lousy little King (or Queen!! A woman running a country is an abomination against nature). Besides, good ole George can then just imprison and execute anyone he wants, not just those who look like foreigners. I know he can sort of do that already, but then he won't have any restrictions at all! And that's what we want. The Bible tells us we should all try to be good slaves, and we all want to live the life the Bible tells us to live. And I feel sure that George will install the right-thinking Christian-only nation we should be.
Long Live Emperor George!!!
If enough of you send these letters to Congress, I feel certain the US will end up with the government it so highly desires.
On a side note, those who know me know my opinions of the French, and how much I despise them¹. But I'm allowed to². Just as they have every right to despise me. It's a mutual hate/hate thing. But the USA is cutting in on our 'special' relationship! And I'll be damned if I'll let anyone call my French knickers Freedom knickers! Geez people a rose by any other name would smell as sweet etc etc etc.
¹I like a lot of French things, and some French people, it's not personal it's tradition.