Doctor Fiancee (kellingham) wrote,
Doctor Fiancee

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I find myself deeply insulted by both this article about agegap relationships and by this article about what to 'expect' from younger woman.

Article one, lovingly titled Older Man, Younger Woman: A Doomed Relationship?
Yes. Quite. Moving on.

"Why is it that middle-aged geezers want to date 20-year-olds?" asked Maria Gonzalez, a 50-year-old divorcée from Southern California. "There are many attractive, sexually active women in their 50s and beyond who would make great mates."
It probably has something to do with the fact we don't use the term 'geezers' unless we're trying to be amusing.

Older men date younger women for many reasons. But one thing's for certain: Most of these relationships won't last. Here are 10 reasons why.

1. Fantasy love fades, usually within a year. At first, the geezer is in love with her looks and youthful spirit. Eventually, he realizes all they have in common is a roof over their heads, and he'll be off to look for a relationship with substance.

*Looks at watch - looks at calendar* within a year huh?

2. Geezers may feel younger, but dating younger women won't make them younger. No matter how hard geezers try to make the wrinkles disappear, the darn things keep showing up in the mirror.
There's that geezers word again. I am not sure bardiphouka has any desire to make himself younger. Not physically anyway. I would think being around someone half your age wouldmake you feel older a lot of the time anyway. In general.

3. Older men and younger women use each other, similar to a business arrangement. He's got money, assets, power or security; she's got youth and beauty. If the money runs out, or someone richer comes along, she'll break the lease, leaving him with an empty wallet and his arms around a tree.
ASDFGHJK WTF?! That is the most appalling and insulting generalisation I have EVER read. I have no interest in any of these things! Even if Bardi had any of them, though admittedly being able to pay the bills is very helpful it does not mean I would even think about leaving him if there was a financial problem.

4. OK, maybe she's not using him. Perhaps she loves him because he's more patient, laid back, mature, gentle and understanding than men her age. Still, she's likely considered his bucks at some point. You don't see younger women with destitute older men.
AGAIN WTF?! So what he's saying here is "Actually some younger women aren't golddiggers... JUST KIDDING!"

5. Different energy levels. At 10 p.m., he's wearing pajamas and falling asleep with a book in his hands and glasses on his nose. She's got on her dancing duds and is heading for the clubs. If he doesn't keep up, she might seek someone younger who is able to meet her needs.
Haha, Bardi is usually the one poking me to wake my ass up. I've also never seen him fall asleep while reading a book, though he has been known to doze with his glasses on. Usually some time after I have grumbled at the suggestion of going out and fallen asleep on the sofa. I suck.

6. Different maturity levels. He's got maturity and knowledge that come only from living through years and experience. Bob Russell, a retiree in Phoenix, Ariz., said, "I took a younger woman to a movie. When I mentioned that the actor looked like Humphrey Bogart, she looked at me sweetly and said, 'Who is Humphrey Bogart?' After that, I dated women my own age."
So he's basing this one on the trophy airhead some guy who may or may not exist supposedly took to a movie once? Thanks. I can't think of a single person my age (or younger even) who DOESN'T know the name Humphrey Bogart.
Other than that I agree, I am much more mature than Bardi.

7. Common goals and interests. He wants a golf cart to drive around the retirement community. She wants a Corvette with chrome wheels, and she's opening a flower shop with her girlfriend that requires working 60 hours a week.
Bardi wants a golf cart? (actually that would be kind of cool.) I hate cars. I don't particularly want a flowershop. I would however like a bookshop one day. Conveniently, Bardi has also shown an interest in selling books.

8. Lifestyles differ. Take children, for example. "I have two men friends in their late 50s who not only married younger women, but have conceived new babies. Imagine her, years from now, buying 'Depends' for him, and 'Pampers' for the babies. Not to mention the antidepressants for herself attempting to manage the two," said Ivory Dorsey, 54, of Mableton, Ga.
Babies? BABIES? Do I seem like the maternal sort to anyone? And as for you, Ivory (who names a kid after elephant teeth anyway?), is it so hard to manage both a hypothetically incontinent spouse and a child? Amusing enough hundreds of thousands of people manage this or similar every single day. What about people with twins? Do they need antidepressants? People caring for older relatives?

9. Stand by your man? Younger women may not stand by their older guys through the inevitable hard times that accompany growing old. And while pursuing younger women, guys miss out on meeting someone older who would have been there for them.
For the love of all fluffy kittens, is this author making younger women out to be heartless bitches or what? This is also incredibly hurtful and insulting. Just because I am young I'll piss off as soon as Bardi encounters age related difficulties? Perhaps I might have already considered this? Wait, no. I'm young and stupid and don't even know who Humphrey Bogart is.

10. Health issues. Two women reported they had enjoyed wonderful relationships with their husbands who were 15 years older. But both women were widowed in their 50s. Either party can get sick, but the chances of a younger woman becoming a widow are considerably greater than an older man becoming a widower.
The chances of any woman becoming a widow are greater than the chances of their husbands becoming widowers. That's just life. This is also something I am sure anyone in my situation took into consideration long ago anyway. If I am going to be 100% honest I almost prefer it this way anyway, I'd hate to think of Bardi being left to deal with the aftermath of me dying first if that makes any sense.

There are exceptions, of course, and couples with an age gap can have wonderful relationships. It's how closely they think together that matters. Connie Presley-Athchley, of Trabuco Canyon, Calif., is married to a man 20 years younger. "We have a wonderful relationship and a passion for each other," she said.

Amie McCulloch, of Ennis, Texas, said, "Not all younger women are the same. I'm 25 and dating a 40-year-old man. I'm involved with him for love, not his money or what he can provide for me."

There will always be older men who want to date younger women. Most will discover that those relationships don't last. And a few will come to their senses and seek women closer to their own age who share common goals, interests and energy levels. But they'll have to learn for themselves.

Oh yeah, this really makes up for the rest of the article. Bravo.

And the second article:

Often, when men become single after a lengthy marriage, they try to reset their biological clocks by pursuing women who are 15 years younger -- or more. What can a guy expect?

# He feels young again. She's spontaneous and energetic. His friends envy him; his ego is the size of Detroit. Then, he realizes ...

Buh? Bardi's friends envy him? I'm energetic? Ego??

# She's not involved for love. It's his money, assets, power and security she desires. He realizes, "Egad! I'm being used." If his money runs out, will she be far behind?
Once more I am painfully insulted and protrayed as a money grabbing bitch.

# She likes to eat out every night. At the finest restaurants, sipping Sonoma County chardonnays. As his waistline expands, his wallet contracts.
HE likes to eat out, I merely follow along because I admit I like eating out also. But I don't like chardonnay. A fine restaurant to me is Skyline.

# She loves to dance. In the clubs, after hours. He does the "funky chicken," she does the salsa. He gets tired and sleeps in his car until the club closes at 4 a.m., when she rejoins him. Then, she wants breakfast (at Tiffany's).
I do not salsa. I no longer club. HE wears me out. Breakfast sounds good to me though.

# Her four teenagers are a handful. He did the dad thing years ago. She wants a child with him. He'll be 80 when his newborn graduates high school. And then there will be college expenses.
Four teenagers? FOUR TEENAGERS? HahahHAHAHAHahahahaHAHAa..... children *snerk*.

# She wants a sizeable insurance policy ... to help her take care of him when -- not if -- his health fails before hers.
Pfft, as if I ever think of things like that. I actually hadn't thought about that until I read this article. It sounds like a sensible idea for any marriage to me, though sizeable isn't necessary. Appropriately sized. Chances are Bardi already thought of that, or if he didn't we clearly don't need it. I don't deal with finances.

# Their respective histories don't jive. She thinks that "The Kingston Trio" was three guys from Jamaica and that "The Crew Cuts" were actually haircuts. She likes "Smashing Pumpkins." He thinks she's talking about what he did as a kid.
Jive? People still say jive? Anyway we tend to like the same musics and even if we didn't that is not a basis for ending a relationship. I thought having some differences was a good thing myself.

# Their interests vary. He's thinking of retirement and a golf cart; she wants to open a 60-hour-a-week business and drive a new BMW convertible.
Oh well we're going to break up because we have different interests. This again is not a basis for ending a relationship (unless it was a business relationship I guess).

# Finally, he realizes that being with a younger woman won't make him young again. But it will be a lot of work, and will give him "nothing but headaches."
I am a lot of work? I give Bardi headaches? News to me.

# He decides to date someone closer to his age. He discovers there are thousands of mature, wise, secure, appreciative women in their 50s and beyond who'd be perfect for him. He's come to his senses.
He'd better not, I'll kill him. And her. Though I don't deserve a man like him, I have no intention of giving him up.

To me it sounds like whoever wrote this was ripped off by some bitch and is now taking it out on every younger woman who is dating an older man. Grrrrrr.

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